Why am I successful, but still single?
Have you invested your blood, sweat, and tears into your career and ticked off many financial and hierarchical goals – only to find yourself still single and struggling to find your ideal partner?
Are you wondering where you’re going wrong?
Perhaps you’re constantly meeting new people through work and networking, and have been on multiple blind dates (or perhaps you’ve been lucky to dodge that bullet, despite many attempts by family and friends).
But while piles of wedding invitations flood your desk, you find yourself left to source someone to be your ‘plus one’.
And you ask yourself – ‘Why am I still single?’
Well, you’re not alone.
Why am I still single?
- Successful people often expect to see their own hard-won attributes and values reflected in their ideal partner. They seek out personal development and are more educated and socially experienced and as a result, can more easily identify any red flags in someone’s character that could potentially hinder the relationship they ultimately want. Some consider them fussy but they are just being responsible to themselves and others.
- Successful people are already busy engaging with the world around them on so many levels, whether it’s related to work, community, or charity contributions. Therefore, they don’t have much time leftover to head to bars or clubs to find a partner. You might see it as a waste of time when you could be relaxing on your couch at home with a glass of Pinot Gris.
- Successful people often mix socially with their equals, but their equals are not necessarily single. (And these could be your blind date organisers!)
All these aspects conspire to make it seem impossible for successful people to meet their match.
However, Australia’s leading matchmaker, Trudy Gilbert, says people need to remind themselves that new relationships need exploration time. It’s not necessarily something that’s going to happen overnight – or at first sight.
“There’s a fallacy that new intimacy should be comfortable, if not magical, and it can be,” says Trudy. “But it can also be scary, uncomfortable, and create all sorts of feelings that unearth sleepless nights of past sadness and anger.”
And that’s okay – it’s all part of the relationship ride. There will be highs and there will be lows, but if you don’t give it a real shot, then you might miss out on uncovering the partnership’s true potential.
“Many people worry about getting in too deep and not being able to change their mind,” adds Trudy. “Without committing yourself to giving it a go, you will never know. Remember, you are always in the driver’s seat in your life and you can always change anything at any given moment. Don’t be scared to go all in, just because you think you can’t get out!”
So if you had a great evening with someone new and ended up spending the night, try to resist the panicked urge to dress in record time and head back down the highway to Singletown. Even if your mindset is a bit different the next day, remember there’s a reason you enjoyed yourself the night before. (Even if alcohol had a role to play!)
Try to stay with those feelings of the previous evening and open yourself up to the potential of new love.
“It’s not always a comfortable feeling at first,” adds Trudy. “It’s more often a crazy feeling! But trust me; it will be worth the ride to find trust and love.”
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